Dear Bill. Lovely to hear from you. I wish we were sitting around in front of Mistral on a hot day looking forward to a few beers!
Jeremy is seven years younger than me, but by the time the election's over he'll probably have overtaken me. In any case, wherever he goes campaigning people say to him "Bloody hell - you look just like Jim Hawkins, only older!" However, Jeremy's face is a lot longer than mine, he lacks my incredible innate charm, and he's a crap disco dancer. I feel a bit sorry for him - if he genuinely had my Adonis-like features he'd romp home past Bumbling Boris.
When I was a BBC Radio Humberside producer and presenter my voice was very well-known in the region. I was at an event one day and woman came up to me and asked "Are you Jim Hawkins?"
"Yes," I replied. She looked me up and down and said "How disappointing!"
Being a celebrity's not all it's cracked up to be...